Productive standstills are the worst. Even when I’ve accomplished something, I always feel like I’m two steps behind, because I’m accomplishing what I intended to accomplish the day before. I survey my day by asking, “What did I do today?” My brain may tic of one or two accomplishments, then it goes into overdrive into all the things I failed to do. (Beauty Jackson – Chronic Self-Flagellator.) I had a great conversation with a friend last night and he said, “I think you need to stop coming down on yourself regarding the things you don’t do and look at the things you do.” And then I totally missed a deadline for something.
But I had an epiphany and being the helpful sort, I’m going to pass it on to you. I approach the day with no plan. I wake up, brush and wash things and places, verbally jerk off on twitter, fly out the door, then I just let God sort out the rest. I’ve already set myself up to fail that night’s “What did I do today” quiz. How can I not plan to do something, then beat myself up for not doing it, when I never once told myself that I wanted to do that thing today? (Say that shit five times fast.)
So today, I’m getting ahead of things and asking, “What do I want to do today?” I have a list:
- Not get fired.
- Finish this survey I’m working on before Classick kills me.
- Finish my filing at work.
- Not call anyone “the most annoying motherfucker this side of creation.” (You would be astonished at how difficult this is.)
- Do one thing to help a friend.
I can literally do everything on this list (except maybe the first one, because they truly hate me and the feeling, as the prolific El Bloombito would say, esta hella mutual). So tonight, before I go to bed, I can look back at today and put it in the W column. Because your girl desperately needs one.